Engaged & Enraged: How to Rebel When Wedding Planning

Apr 16

I hear you’re pretty stressed right now planning your wedding. And I mean, who wouldn’t be when we’re on the verge of a recession and our current political climate is the equivalent of a dumpster fire?

I also hear you’re pissed. Good, you should be. As a wedding and elopement photographer, I’m pissed right alongside you. I came up with a few ideas to help make your day a bit more special, intimate, and middle-finger-to-society for ya.

HEY YOU!

I’m Emily, a Colorado Elopement Photographer & Planner with a passion for giving joyful, badass couples the ultimate adventure-filled elopement! I’m ready to help curate your adventure and get our boots dirty in the process. Are you?

I build a custom elopement experience for every couple (yes, even you!!!) that makes you feel on top of the world.

Wait, tell me more!

Ways to Rebel When Wedding Planning

ELOPE

Many cultures and families expect weddings to be big, traditional, and publicly celebrated. Eloping is a way to reclaim the event for yourselves, rejecting the pressure to conform and sidestepping much of the commercialism and the financial burden that comes with traditional weddings.

Eloping does NOT mean you can’t have any guests. Eloping is having an intentional, intimate wedding with 15 or fewer guests. Yes, you CAN have guests at your elopement!

There are other terms, like micro-wedding or intimate wedding, that are the same idea, but with a different guest count. Micro-weddings and intimate weddings are typically around 20-35 guests. This is also a great option to reduce stress and costs.

OPT FOR NO NAME CHANGE, OR CREATE A NEW LAST NAME

More and more couples are deciding to create a new last name together, rather than the archaic tradition of brides changing their last name to their husband’s. This is a great way to start a new legacy with your partner, while not having to worry about lengthy hyphenated names or archaic tradition. Instead of having one person go through the headache of a name change, have either both or neither of you do it. There’s no rule saying you HAVE to change your name.

WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT

Forget the white dress or tuxedo. Go for all black, neon, patterns, etc.

Wear your favorite color, or a color that means a lot to you. If you practice witchcraft, consider looking into color magic and wearing colors that represent your intentions in your marriage.

GET MARRIED ON A WEEKDAY

Capitalism runs on weekdays! Disrupt the capitalist flow by having your guests take a weekday off of work. Less workers = less productivity = less money in billionaires pockets. And that’s punk as fuck. However, make sure to give your guests plenty of time in advance to take off work or make proper arrangements.

You also get to avoid the weekend crowds, which may allow you to have a whole area to explore yourself, without running into a million people.

Another great reason to book your wedding or elopement on a weekday is it can be more affordable. Hotels, restaurant reservations, venues, florists, hair & makeup artists, and even bakeries sometimes charge more for a weekend service as opposed to a weekday service. Weekdays tend to be less busy for these vendors, so a lot of the time their weekday services are cheaper.

BOOK LIKE-MINDED VENDORS

Make sure you’re inviting people to be a part of your day that are on the same side of history as you. Bonus points if they donate to non-profits that align with your morals (like the Trevor Project, National Park Foundation, etc, because trans rights matter and no one is illegal on stolen land).

This one can’t be stated enough. It’s important during these times to surround yourself with like-minded people who are working towards the same societal goals as you. Don’t give your hard earned money to a huge corporation or someone that actively votes against your morals. Not when you can support small business that lift others up and invest in their community.

SUPPORT PUBLIC LANDS

Having your wedding in a state or national park is one of the most affordable, and stunning, ways to get married. Wedding permits in state and national parks average around $150-300 for a stunning ceremony location. When you book your event, all the money goes right back into the park you chose, going towards park maintenance, rangers, clean up efforts, research, search & rescue, and more. So while you’re able to use the stunning backdrops as your ceremony scenery, you’re also helping support and fund the parks.

If you choose to have your wedding or elopement in a state or national park, make sure to follow Leave No Trace. LNT inspires responsible outdoor recreation through education, research, and partnerships, all centered around their 7 Principles. Guided by evidence-based research, these principles help minimize human impact on nature.

MAKE IT A MULTI-DAY, COMMUNAL CELEBRATION

Challenge the rigid, structured timeline of weddings by turning it into a festival-style gathering with no strict schedule—just food, music, and time spent together.

Make sure the community you invite to be a part of this celebration are people who are essential to you, as in, you can’t imagine your day without them. If there are people that stress you out, bring you down, or are combative with your choices, let them sit this one out. You do not have to invite ANYONE. Remember that.

REJECT GENDER ROLES

No bride being “given away,” no traditional vows, and no pressure for women to change their last names. Let partners walk in together, mix up wedding party roles, or remove all gendered expectations.

If you don’t conform to gender roles in your day to day life, why should you on your wedding day?

Also, make sure to avoid vendors that only refer to couples as a “bride & groom”, even if that’s how you identify. Vendors that conform to gender norms will expect you to do the same, so avoid that stress ahead of time by make sure your vendors are inclusive.

PAY IT FORWARD

If there’s an organization or a cause that is especially important to you, perhaps include an option for your guests to donate to that organization on your registry. Much like how couples have a “honeymoon fund”, add a “donation fund” with a link where guests can donate.

You could have a “dollar dance” where all the money gets donated to a special cause. Instead of offering favors, offer cards on why a certain organization means a lot to you, and explain how much a $5 donation to them would mean to you. Couples have even gone as far as to have wedding party members walk cats or dogs down the aisle to showcase shelter animals up for adoption. The options for giving back are endless.

USE LOCALLY SOURCED OR SECONDHAND DECOR/ATTIRE

Avoid the wedding industry’s consumerist trap by wearing thrifted attire, using secondhand decorations, and serving locally sourced food and drinks.

Local thrift stores are an incredible place to find decor, like brass candle sticks, linens, candles, glassware and more.

If you’re looking for a used wedding dress, it can be tough to find one in the wild. Sites like Stillwhite and Nearly Newlywed are great websites that sell affordable gently used wedding dresses. And of course, Facebook Marketplace is always a great option.